School starts once again this weekend. Of all the classes I am taking this semester, the most unusual — and the one that I am overly concerned about (for no reason) is my Kung Fu class. I signed up for it pretty much on a whim. Seems like a good opportunity to improve myself physically and maybe spiritually as well. But as the day approaches I grow more and more concerned that I have the self-discipline to handle a class like that. I’m probably worrying waaay too much… stupid paranoia…

I’ve decided to switch my cell phone service. I’ve never had problems with my current provider in terms of services or cost or anything. It’s just that I get a better discount through my current job with this other provider AND I can keep my cell phone number (I hope). This’ll be a good thing, I’m sure. Most of my family is with this service already, so that’ll save me some serious airtime charges. Plus, I’m gettting a new phone with a camera in it. Maybe I’ll start including some pics in this blog…. Who knows?

On the personal front, I have been getting more and more sociable lately. Feels better to be about among people sometimes. Not all the time, mind you — the introvert in me can only take so much. But use of the chat rooms on Yahoo! has trimmed back for me, mostly because of all those f—ing bots out there. I really wish the gang at Y! would do something about that. It ruins a perfectly good environment for meeting people from all sorts of places. I was lucky enough to meet a few people on there, especially those of the opposite sex, which certainly never hurts. There’s one in particular that I’ve been talking to lately. I might actually have worked up enough nerve to ask her out on a date. Granted I have no idea what she looks like or too much else at this point. But maybe that’s works more in my favor.

I keep telling myself I need more motivation. I seem to have trouble staying focused on a particular goal or set of them for a good length of time. That’s probably a large reason why I’ve not gotten anywhere with my life. :-p

Why is it that every time I start to really buckle down on my writing work, something stops me? Is it writers’ block? I don’t think so. Is it fear? Probably, but fear of what? I wish I could understand why I can’t seem to get words on the page. Once I get really going, they can come pouring out of me like a flash flood.

Maybe I’m just afraid that it’ll be good. Sounds weird, but truthfully, that’s what’s been holding me back. Fear of failure, yes, but also of success.

Damn it. I did it again.

I’ve let far too much time lapse between blog entries and my movie watching has largely been shot down the tubes for the moment. There’s a lot of things that have ensued in the past month to distract, starting with vacation in WY over July 4th (which I wish had never ended), some legal problems (which I wish had never started), and thoughtful meditation on the course that my life is taking.

Okay maybe not meditation per se, but I’ve had some of the muddy ocean floor of my life roiled up of late in the form of the aforementioned legal problems, which shall remain undetailed until it’s over. While those problems may be short-lived, I realized that I really do have some unresolved issues from that period of my life, both emotional and financial. It was a relatively chaotic few years, when I was up and down and all around. That’s the college life, I suppose, but I think missed most of the good stuff in there.

My brother and I were talking last night, as we usually do on Sunday nights (either between or after football games on TV during the season — starting soon!), and he made a comment that struck home. It was said in half-joking tones, but the truth was he was right. I just wish I knew what to do with that.

Think of it this way. There’s this movie coming out called The 40-Year-Old Virgin, starring Steve Carrell from Comedy Central’s The Daily Show. If you’ve seen the trailers for it, you’ve got a really good glimpse of some facets of my own life. I can kind of relate to his character and I look forward to seeing the film for a good laugh, if nothing else.

Who am I? Why am I here? Is there really a definitive answer to these questions? Are some of us doomed to wander the proverbial wastelands for all time, searching for some sliver of meaning?! Maybe so… but I hope I’m not one of those.