Category Archives: Family

I CAN HAZ GRATCHEWAYSHUN?!

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And so once again the wheel comes around. After my very successful (albeit last-minute) Christmas surprise for my mother, I was feeling pretty good about the fact that I couldn’t try that again for a long time. Then on a cool day in February, my sister-in-law messaged me asking if we could arrange a repeat performance for my brother’s graduation… in June.

Yeah.

And now, the full story…

I was reluctant to take this on at first given my predilection for not repeating myself. But I agreed because as was stated on Facebook the other day, my brother’s wife has Elite Awesome Status and +50 to Ball-kicking. Plus she reminded me that I owed her for missing last Thanksgiving. So we made our plans.

As always, the maximum number of people that can keep a secret is one. This was kind of on me, though… my mother had cornered me early on to offer airfare to Albuquerque, so I had to tell her. And things sort of snowballed from there as I had to get more elaborate to keep my brother in the dark. My cover story was that I landed the lead in an indie film that would start shooting that week.

Things went really well right up until the day I got there. My brother’s surpise would have been total if his wife hadn’t insisted he come home early. But it still turned out well enough so I’m only too glad to retire that gag.

The graduation ceremony was good. It was a small class (mainly because the main graduation for the University of Phoenix takes place in Phoenix — go figure) but enthusaistic family and friends filled the auditorium. The most interesting moment was that they added an invocation of the Lord’s Prayer, performed by a pair of Native Americans in full ceremonial dress — one chanting, one signing. Very odd… very New Mexico.

The rest of the week went swimmingly for a vacation. I spent a lot of time with my nephews, played way too much Lego Star Wars and even enjoyed some quiet time where I could grab it. After the month I had, I needed a respite from the world for a while.

On My Purpose

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This year, May has been a strange month of highs and lows.

First the good news. More and more of my goals for 2010 are falling into place. I’ve booked some work that I can’t talk a lot about yet but I’m very excited for. I have a table read for one them tomorrow, so I’ll actually hear what it sounds like.

Socially, things are improving a little. I went to a couple of differents parties in the first half of the month. Despite coming across sometimes as overly stoic and a fuddy-duddy (Wow… who says that anymore? That’s right, this guy.), I had a really good time. I did figure for certain that likes a more laid back do with just a few friends and fun conversation as opposed to being at a bar with loud music. But I still highly recommend the piano bar Howl At The Moon at Universal CityWalk if you’re into some incredibly skilled live music. Their house musicians really put on a good show!

And now for the lows and a commentary to respond.

My uncle, who was largely a father figure for my brother and I for a number of years, had a pretty bad heart attack at the top of the month, which killed some of my buzz leading up to my birthday. That was a very lonely day, made better by talking to him on the phone and knowing he was recovering quite nicely and quickly. He was even on his way home. But it wasn’t enough because he died a couple of days later from complications. When my brother gave me the news I was stunned, not from denial but because I couldn’t figure out what I was feeling. I cried a bit, but I was angry. Not angry at my uncle for dying or at God for taking him too soon, but at myself. I was mad that I hadn’t gotten off my ass and called him sooner — before his heart attack, as I had meant to. It wasn’t as though I was truly too busy to take the time to call. (I could go on about that, but I won’t.) It didn’t help that when I was discussing travel arrangements with family members, one of them* actually suggested that I not go to Wyoming for the funeral. Now to be fair, I could see their point as I really had no money and no vehicle to make the trip. Fortunately, everything got sorted so I was able to be there. And then the other punch hit.

After the memorial service, the whole extended family had a meal together at a nice restaurant. While in line for the salad bar, I was talking to a (different) family member* about some day job prospects that had come my way as I was traveling up to Wyoming. We talked a little about how those jobs might impact my acting career and the trade-offs. Then they actually posed to the possibility that I might not be better off getting a regular job in another city and keeping acting as a hobby. I was stunned by this, but hid it as a managed to blurt out a seemingly confident “no” and proceeded to sprinkle a spoonful burning death on my salad.

The rest of the visit was positive, but what was said stuck with me for days afterward. Two people, whose opinions I value and often seek out, made it seem like they have no faith in my ability to survive and succeed in my chosen vocation. I talked quite a bit with other family members and appear to have a lot of support. My other uncle pointed out to me that I am really the only one in my whole family (incl. aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) daring to make a life in the arts. Most have been educators, doctors, lawyers, engineers and more than one has done military service. The fact that I’m something of a black sheep in this way could make some people think that I’m doing it to prove something or to make a point.

The simple answer is this — I am an actor. I don’t view it as a choice any more than someone who feels called to the priesthood, driven to a life of public service or passionate enough to want to take on a mountain of debt to learn to heal the sick. I’m good at a lot of things and if I chose to, I could be good at even more. But I’m better at this, so why should I not attempt to earn a living from practicing my art?

Today would have been my uncle’s birthday. In light of everything else, I had trouble moving through the day having lost one of my fans. I know he was proud that I made the choice to pursue my dreams (as he told me so on previous occasions) and so I decided today to recommit myself to the work.

I will keep moving forward. I will move on purpose.

Besides, I’m pretty sure that if I don’t Uncle Bob will come back from the dead and kick my ass.

*Note: I have omitted the names of said family members in the interest of fairness. I’m not a catty person and I’m sure what was said was out of love and concern.

I CAN HAZ KRISMUS?!

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So since the big move to L.A. things haven’t gone spectacularly. Don’t get me wrong — I recognize it’s a long career road and I’ve actually made a decent start at it. But to quote Robert Downey Jr. in Air America , “I told you, it’s on the ground where I tend to fuck up.” Quite a bit of mini-drama in the personal financial front, for which I thank the good folks at Suzuki with their proprietary, hard-to-find car parts and apparently nonexistent repair manuals. I don’t blame my car, but the masters of planned obsolescence that birthed her. But I digress.

So I was working with a theatre company in North Hollywood, starring as Scrooge in a production of A Christmas Carol. It was a great experience and gave me more confidence that I should consider pursuing more lead roles and not worry so much about whether I’d get the part. If I fit what they’re looking for, they’ll take me; if not, they won’t! Again, I digress a little.

The point is that I was all prepared to drive back to Phoenix this year for Christmas so that I could spend time with family and friends. But, on the night of our one tech rehearsal, I go to leave the theater and my car won’t start. There I am stuck in an empty parking lot in NoHo, no working car, no idea how to get home and my roommate won’t even come get me! (Which I can’t get too irate about, but c’mon dude…)

I did finally manage to get home, but had to abandon ship and I was worried about whether it would get towed. Keep in mind I still had no clue what could be wrong. Two days later, I go back to the theater and — phew! — my car’s still there. I walk across the street to AutoZone and the very great guys there are able to figure out that it’s the starter motor. Here’s the fun part… thanks to the great folks at Suzuki, the part’s hard enough to get that it’s too expensive for my anemic (actually negative balance) actor’s bank account! I definitely want everyone to buy a Suzuki for their next auto purchase!! </sarcasm>

I made some good come out of it, though, and donated the car to my local NPR station thanks to the Cartalk donation program. They have towed the car and some other poor bas– er, lucky person can experience the joys of vehicle ownership. But I had to text my mom and sister to tell them I would be stuck alone in L.A. for Christmas, which sucked; but since I was working up through Xmas Eve at my day job and only got the weekend off, there wasn’t a viable alternative to get any quality time. I then preceded to have text conversations with my sister and her husband as they pitched these wacky scenarios about how I could, in fact, come for the holiday. I fended them off, citing what I felt were remarkably sane and practical reasons for someone like myself. (Keep in mind that I once drove from Phoenix to Long Beach and back on a whim just to see my friend’s band perform. See other blog entries for my complete treatise on Communal Stupidity.) I then settled into a routine to try not to think about Christmas too much.

With about a week to go before the holiday, I realize that I didn’t let one of my friends know that I wouldn’t be able to make our date. (Okay, it’s just coffee, but it’s just the two of us so give me at least one delusion, OK?!) I had been waiting for her to contact me with her work schedule so we could find a time. When she emailed me, I snapped. I could survive one Christmas without seeing my family, but if the universe thinks I’m going to miss a chance like this… I don’t think so!

So the setup went like this — my sister and I arranged an elaborate plan to hide this from my mother. Any number of shenanigans from my sister lying about mailing my Xmas gifts to me to talking about having a webcam conversation on the day so I could watch them open gifts.  I even went so far as to schedule fake Facebook updates to cover my online absence for while I was on the plane.  I’d say it worked spectacularly… in fact, I’d like to show you the result right now:

I had a great weekend being the photographer, since the majority of my gifts were sent to L.A. by my mother, who again had no idea I was actually coming to Phoenix.  There are some good poses and I’ll post the ones that came out to my Flickr account in short order as well (after I email copies to my sister as required by familial law in her role as the holiday host… look it up).