Who cares?! Or more to the point, why do we care?

I’m a little torn on this. As an actor, I understand the desire to be recognized by your peers for doing great work, particularly since a lot of us take up this craft and profession to compensate for our own insecurities. (Much as I hate to admit it, I absolutely include myself in that group.) The trophy you get is merely a symbol that says “Hey, we, the people who do this as much as you do, think that you’ve done some amazing things professionally this year and that merits a token of our esteem.”

On the other hand, as a TV viewer I’m not a big fan of the spectacle that these things have become. I didn’t watch the Emmys this year. That’s not a slam on this year’s host (the incredibly funny Jane Lynch) or the nominees (I’m a fan of most of them). I haven’t watched any awards show in quite a few years. It’s just gotten too ridiculous for me. The musical numbers, the awkward pairing of celebrities who deliver jokes that just don’t land, the stiff applause of those who don’t win while seething with rage and/or tears inside… the endless commercial breaks!!

You cannot swing a dead cat without hitting an awards show these days. Off the top of my head, here’s a short list of awards shows that air their ceremonies on TV:

• Oscars
• Emmys
• Tonys
• Golden Globes
• SAG Awards
• People’s Choice Awards
• Kid’s Choice Awards
• MTV Movie Awards
• Independent Spirit Awards
• Blockbuster Awards (defunct)
• Webbys
• Streamys

Again, that’s a short list. And that’s just the ones that affect actors directly! There are awards for every part of the industry out there. And many televise their ceremonies. It’s even become a gala event and breaking news when they announce the nominees — that’s right, we’re supposed to get excited to hear them tell us names of the people who only might have a chance of winning.

What can be done about this? How do we return some sensibility to these things? IMHO (and this is a long shot), if they’re going to televise it they should do it like the Publisher’s Clearinghouse Prize Patrol. Throughout a particular day, they should roll an armored truck up to the winner’s house and deliver the award with a bunch of balloons and one of these legendary “swag bags” I’m always hearing about but have never seen. They can televise those without disrupting the normal broadcast schedule or depriving the viewing audience of either the spectacle of an awards show or the programs these people are being recognized for. Done and d–

Excuse me… there’s someone at the door.

OMG! It’s TV’s Jon Cryer with my Emmy Award! I take it all back! This is the greatest day of my life! Outta my way, world, I’M BETTER THAN YOU!!!!

(UPDATE: Ummm… so it turns out the guy at the door was just a UPS guy who looks like Jon Cryer. And it wasn’t an Emmy… it was a Lemmy. Which is really awkward, because I’ve never even listened to Motorhead. But still an honor… I think…)

It begins:

• I’m pretty sure I saw former game show host Mark DeCarlo on the subway the other day, but I did not speak to him, because I am not a Stud.
• I got on the bus this afternoon with a guy who looked like Eddie Deezen’s doppleganger.
• I met a guy on the bus as I was headed to the theatre tonight for a shoot. He talked my ear off about the concerts he had seen and how a certain allegedly cult-like church was responsible for the death of David Carradine. I don’t know that I believed him, but he was friendly enough.

And thus endeth the post…

• Quickly found work as an extra on TV
• Got my CA driver’s license and registered my car after a rather drawn out smog inspection drama
• Extra work dried up for me
• Got cast in two shows and got a day job
• Got rid of my car because I couldn’t afford to repair it
• Appeared in a lead role in my L.A. Stage debut (which no one I knew attended)
• Flew back to Phoenix on Christmas Eve to surprise my mother
• Got into an acting school
• Got laid off from my day job, beginning a 4-month stint of unemployment ::sigh::
• Went back to Phoenix to record the full “Magellan’s Children” story with my friends and performed twice at the Mensa RG for more friends
• My uncle passed away
• Got cast in my second L.A. stage show
• Went to New Mexico for my brother’s graduation
• Got a new day job

And there we are up to now. A friend commented on Facebook today asking how I felt being here after a year. Honestly, I’ve seen some things — some strange, some beautiful, some downright disturbing — that make this a very interesting place to live. Was it worth it? Only time will tell.

As has often been said of an acting career, “it’s a marathon, not a sprint” and that is the truth. Many times things do not come to you as quickly as our smash-cut, 24/7, ADHD-addled society wants you to believe and sometimes not in the way you expect. This place has a magic that can still surprise those who are sure they have seen it all. And I am looking forward to finding that magic and hopefully grabbing a little bit for myself.

Yeah.

And now, the full story…

I was reluctant to take this on at first given my predilection for not repeating myself. But I agreed because as was stated on Facebook the other day, my brother’s wife has Elite Awesome Status and +50 to Ball-kicking. Plus she reminded me that I owed her for missing last Thanksgiving. So we made our plans.

As always, the maximum number of people that can keep a secret is one. This was kind of on me, though… my mother had cornered me early on to offer airfare to Albuquerque, so I had to tell her. And things sort of snowballed from there as I had to get more elaborate to keep my brother in the dark. My cover story was that I landed the lead in an indie film that would start shooting that week.

Things went really well right up until the day I got there. My brother’s surpise would have been total if his wife hadn’t insisted he come home early. But it still turned out well enough so I’m only too glad to retire that gag.

The graduation ceremony was good. It was a small class (mainly because the main graduation for the University of Phoenix takes place in Phoenix — go figure) but enthusaistic family and friends filled the auditorium. The most interesting moment was that they added an invocation of the Lord’s Prayer, performed by a pair of Native Americans in full ceremonial dress — one chanting, one signing. Very odd… very New Mexico.

The rest of the week went swimmingly for a vacation. I spent a lot of time with my nephews, played way too much Lego Star Wars and even enjoyed some quiet time where I could grab it. After the month I had, I needed a respite from the world for a while.

First the good news. More and more of my goals for 2010 are falling into place. I’ve booked some work that I can’t talk a lot about yet but I’m very excited for. I have a table read for one them tomorrow, so I’ll actually hear what it sounds like.

Socially, things are improving a little. I went to a couple of differents parties in the first half of the month. Despite coming across sometimes as overly stoic and a fuddy-duddy (Wow… who says that anymore? That’s right, this guy.), I had a really good time. I did figure for certain that likes a more laid back do with just a few friends and fun conversation as opposed to being at a bar with loud music. But I still highly recommend the piano bar Howl At The Moon at Universal CityWalk if you’re into some incredibly skilled live music. Their house musicians really put on a good show!

And now for the lows and a commentary to respond.

My uncle, who was largely a father figure for my brother and I for a number of years, had a pretty bad heart attack at the top of the month, which killed some of my buzz leading up to my birthday. That was a very lonely day, made better by talking to him on the phone and knowing he was recovering quite nicely and quickly. He was even on his way home. But it wasn’t enough because he died a couple of days later from complications. When my brother gave me the news I was stunned, not from denial but because I couldn’t figure out what I was feeling. I cried a bit, but I was angry. Not angry at my uncle for dying or at God for taking him too soon, but at myself. I was mad that I hadn’t gotten off my ass and called him sooner — before his heart attack, as I had meant to. It wasn’t as though I was truly too busy to take the time to call. (I could go on about that, but I won’t.) It didn’t help that when I was discussing travel arrangements with family members, one of them* actually suggested that I not go to Wyoming for the funeral. Now to be fair, I could see their point as I really had no money and no vehicle to make the trip. Fortunately, everything got sorted so I was able to be there. And then the other punch hit.

After the memorial service, the whole extended family had a meal together at a nice restaurant. While in line for the salad bar, I was talking to a (different) family member* about some day job prospects that had come my way as I was traveling up to Wyoming. We talked a little about how those jobs might impact my acting career and the trade-offs. Then they actually posed to the possibility that I might not be better off getting a regular job in another city and keeping acting as a hobby. I was stunned by this, but hid it as a managed to blurt out a seemingly confident “no” and proceeded to sprinkle a spoonful burning death on my salad.

The rest of the visit was positive, but what was said stuck with me for days afterward. Two people, whose opinions I value and often seek out, made it seem like they have no faith in my ability to survive and succeed in my chosen vocation. I talked quite a bit with other family members and appear to have a lot of support. My other uncle pointed out to me that I am really the only one in my whole family (incl. aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) daring to make a life in the arts. Most have been educators, doctors, lawyers, engineers and more than one has done military service. The fact that I’m something of a black sheep in this way could make some people think that I’m doing it to prove something or to make a point.

The simple answer is this — I am an actor. I don’t view it as a choice any more than someone who feels called to the priesthood, driven to a life of public service or passionate enough to want to take on a mountain of debt to learn to heal the sick. I’m good at a lot of things and if I chose to, I could be good at even more. But I’m better at this, so why should I not attempt to earn a living from practicing my art?

Today would have been my uncle’s birthday. In light of everything else, I had trouble moving through the day having lost one of my fans. I know he was proud that I made the choice to pursue my dreams (as he told me so on previous occasions) and so I decided today to recommit myself to the work.

I will keep moving forward. I will move on purpose.

Besides, I’m pretty sure that if I don’t Uncle Bob will come back from the dead and kick my ass.

*Note: I have omitted the names of said family members in the interest of fairness. I’m not a catty person and I’m sure what was said was out of love and concern.

One of the first goals accomplished this year was that I actually finished the scripts for Magellan’s Children and got most of the dialogue recorded. Is it perfect? Heck, no… and that’s fine. The next step is mixing all the sound effects and getting music made so that I can release Episode 1 on target at the end of next month.

I’ve also managed to get into an acting school here. Presently I’m studying at the Australian Institute for Dramatic Arts (AIDA) and I’m having fun. It’s a good experience and I like being around the people there. I also have been fortunate to barter my mad janitorial skills in exchange for class, so that’s less money (that I don’t have anyway) out of pocket.

Speaking of that, this month has been largely spent really focusing on the kind of work I want to be doing as an actor. My class at AIDA this month was “Image & Career” and we’ve been spending class time refining out goal-setting and business management skills. It’s been an eye-opener. Last night was the last session and we talked about typecasting. I enjoyed getting up there and hearing what my fellow classmates discuss what I could be cast as. Some were things I had already guessed for myself, but a few surprised me.

Additionally, I attended the Showbiz Expo this past weekend. Although the show seemed to be geared more to the production side of things (and that’s totally cool), I learned some good things. One of the highlights for me was meeting the folks at Holdon Log, the folks behind the web app PerformerTrack. Brian Vermiere, CEO, was kind enough to attempt — multiple times — to take me through a walkthrough after I decided to invest some precious gold in buying the product. Although we never finished it at the show because of a lot of interruptions, he was kind enough to finish the tour personally via a phone conference a couple of days later. Way cool. I’ve only been using the tool for a few days, but I like what I see so far. He answered all my questions and even gave me some positive career advice on the side. So thanks, Brian, for your time and putting out a killer app for actors.

So I think I’m off to a good start. On top of this stuff, I am more actively seeking representation to give myself more opportunities to work. So if any of my L.A. friends or readers know an agent or manager who needs a dimensional overachiever for their client portfolio, have them give me a ring!

I’ll catch you on the flip side next time with… some other cliche I can’t remember.

There were two additional things that helped things click into place. First was listening to the Inside Acting podcast, which I believe should be a must-listen for actors of all stripes. In fact, go to their website or into iTunes and subscribe to it immediately. Don’t worry… I’ll wait right here.

Umm… actually, you could just open the links in a new window so that you don’t leave me behind. I get lonely…

Done? Phew… I was beginning to think you weren’t coming back. Where was I? Oh, that’s right.

The second thing was this post on Wil Wheaton’s blog from November (which was brought on from a blog post by fellow author Warren Ellis, etc.) that talks about the idea of “Get Excited and Make Things”. The basic message is to take your creative ideas and make them concrete. Hell, you could be probably make them out of concrete if that’s your chosen motif. But I started thinking about all the things I’ve been meaning to create and continually putting off. And since the best thing for ubitquitous capture (look it up, kids) is to write it down, I starting writing during the bus ride to work.

Thirty minutes later as I disembarked from L.A. public transit, I looked at the havoc I had wreaked across three pages of my Moleskine — outlines, quotes, sketches, mini-flowcharts, tasks, dreams… the list goes on. I was amazed that I had that much piled up in my head but more importantly, I was excited! So now it time for the second half of that… I need to make these things a reality.

I have decided to use this blog to chart my progress as I am adopting “Get Excited & Make Things!” as a personal motto and getting to work in a number of different areas. Most important is listing them all here and I figured I make some sort of formal declaration. Ah-he-he-hemm…

Whereas I, the ActorGeek, having determined that the year Two Thousand and Ten, by the common reckoning, shall be known as “The Year of Getting Excited and Making Things”, do hereby commit to making the following things happen:
(I promise it’ll be normalspeak from here to the end)
- Completely written and produced episodes to complete the Magellan’s Children storyline
- More trips out of town, esp. to visit family (incl 1 trip each to NM & WY and a possible trip to TN)
- Attendance at more Mensa events, including both L.A. & Phoenix RGs and the 2010 AG in Detroit
- Appear for 2nd time on an L.A. stage
- Yoga as a daily practice
- New headshots
- Obtain representation
- Lose 50 lbs
- Minimum first drafts of 3 written works and 1 piece of music
- Gain a basic working knowledge of 1-2 new languages
- Direct a reprise of Touchstone, U.S.A.
- Direct a full production of Gambler’s Daughter

It’s a lot, I know, but as I said, as long as I get at least a few accomplished and make headway on the others, I will consider it a damn good year.

So I was working with a theatre company in North Hollywood, starring as Scrooge in a production of A Christmas Carol. It was a great experience and gave me more confidence that I should consider pursuing more lead roles and not worry so much about whether I’d get the part. If I fit what they’re looking for, they’ll take me; if not, they won’t! Again, I digress a little.

The point is that I was all prepared to drive back to Phoenix this year for Christmas so that I could spend time with family and friends. But, on the night of our one tech rehearsal, I go to leave the theater and my car won’t start. There I am stuck in an empty parking lot in NoHo, no working car, no idea how to get home and my roommate won’t even come get me! (Which I can’t get too irate about, but c’mon dude…)

I did finally manage to get home, but had to abandon ship and I was worried about whether it would get towed. Keep in mind I still had no clue what could be wrong. Two days later, I go back to the theater and — phew! — my car’s still there. I walk across the street to AutoZone and the very great guys there are able to figure out that it’s the starter motor. Here’s the fun part… thanks to the great folks at Suzuki, the part’s hard enough to get that it’s too expensive for my anemic (actually negative balance) actor’s bank account! I definitely want everyone to buy a Suzuki for their next auto purchase!! </sarcasm>

I made some good come out of it, though, and donated the car to my local NPR station thanks to the Cartalk donation program. They have towed the car and some other poor bas– er, lucky person can experience the joys of vehicle ownership. But I had to text my mom and sister to tell them I would be stuck alone in L.A. for Christmas, which sucked; but since I was working up through Xmas Eve at my day job and only got the weekend off, there wasn’t a viable alternative to get any quality time. I then preceded to have text conversations with my sister and her husband as they pitched these wacky scenarios about how I could, in fact, come for the holiday. I fended them off, citing what I felt were remarkably sane and practical reasons for someone like myself. (Keep in mind that I once drove from Phoenix to Long Beach and back on a whim just to see my friend’s band perform. See other blog entries for my complete treatise on Communal Stupidity.) I then settled into a routine to try not to think about Christmas too much.

With about a week to go before the holiday, I realize that I didn’t let one of my friends know that I wouldn’t be able to make our date. (Okay, it’s just coffee, but it’s just the two of us so give me at least one delusion, OK?!) I had been waiting for her to contact me with her work schedule so we could find a time. When she emailed me, I snapped. I could survive one Christmas without seeing my family, but if the universe thinks I’m going to miss a chance like this… I don’t think so!

So the setup went like this — my sister and I arranged an elaborate plan to hide this from my mother. Any number of shenanigans from my sister lying about mailing my Xmas gifts to me to talking about having a webcam conversation on the day so I could watch them open gifts.  I even went so far as to schedule fake Facebook updates to cover my online absence for while I was on the plane.  I’d say it worked spectacularly… in fact, I’d like to show you the result right now:

I had a great weekend being the photographer, since the majority of my gifts were sent to L.A. by my mother, who again had no idea I was actually coming to Phoenix.  There are some good poses and I’ll post the ones that came out to my Flickr account in short order as well (after I email copies to my sister as required by familial law in her role as the holiday host… look it up).

I currently am still looking for a day job (NOTE: if anyone has any leads, pass them on) which means money has gotten insanely tight, up to and including the fact that I owe my incredibly generous and tolerant roommate for my half of the utilities. Over the last two weekends I’ve had a dozen auditions — all for non-paying projects — and it comes down to two productions that directly conflict with one another on the calendar. Details later. I get a callback for one and while I’m at the callback I schedule an audition for the second one on the off-chance that I don’t get cast.

A few days later, I go to the second one, which was a bit of a drive, only to find out that it was a last-minute casting and rehearsals start that night. I nail that audition and get cast, but I started feeling queasy at the read-through, because I hadn’t heard from the first one yet.  (Honestly, I was hoping I was sensing an immortal who was going to lop my head off.)  Turns out, after I get home , I get a late-night email that I was cast as the lead in the first play!  Sonofa–

An ominous choice lay before me, because I committed to a tiny role in this second show. I hate going back on my word and I talked to several people whose opinions I value before making the choice to back out of the second show. For a better role? Oh, yes. Guilty? Hell, yeah. But if I made an enemy or a mistake, I’d rather make these mistakes now. The lesson I learned? As much as we as actors need to keep hustling work, this kind of thing is vital to watch out for so that you don’t step on a lot of toes on the way up. I don’t know what consequences I’ll incur in the future for this action, but I can only hope they aren’t too severe…

And I’m actually okay with that.  As the weeks went by, I realized that it was just so much harder to part with these things for money.

In other news, I had my last day at my job today as well.  It was a short term thing and an interesting learning experience.  What did I learn?  I learned some new skills as it pertains to the Internet — things I might be able to utilize in the future.  But mainly, I learned that I’d like that to be the last call center job I have for some time to come.  It’s far too stressful on me because I get frustrated when people blame me for their mistakes.  Not to mention that the things they were using are really not great tools anyway.

So where do I go from here?  Well, I get something resembling a couple of days off then it’s off to Tucson for a day to perform in my last handbell concert as a ringer. (And this time, I mean it!) I’ve had a good run behind the tables over the years, but age has started to catch up with me and it’s time to leave that particular joy to younger hands.  Besides, if this concert’s a success I’ll be going out on top… and there’s nothing wrong with that.

It didn’t really hit me until I got home from the office today.  This move is really happening and I am going to take the plunge into a new phase of existence.  It’s a paradigm shift for me — the full-tilt, head-on confrontation with the world that I think every person pursuing their dreams first encounters because they are suddenly fighting against the easy flow of passivity, as if they are pushing against the spin of an existential hurricane.  But if they keep at it, keep wading upstream, eventually they find the eye of the storm and discover their path…

Was that too kitschy?  I was feeling very reflective this afternoon…